Coming Through When Life Sucks

"Oh the many times, it's easier said than done"
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At the exact point, you realize (become aware) you may be in a when life sucks cycle, consider it a vital message. Receive it. There is work to be done. It may be external or internal work or both. Take the time to pinpoint those whats and whys, decide what you are going to do about it ~ Kaye

It's been "blog quiet" around here for newly published work since around February 9th this year. I believe one reason for this is because our family as individuals and collectively were/are in our own cycle or season of  "life sucks" or "when life sucks", recognizing this and attempting to come through it. While "misery may enjoy company", I certainly was not prepared to do any type of public sharing of such. Now that my particular senior brain is under much less stress and able to process a bit better, there are some aspects of coming through when life sucks I think I can comfortably and judiciously share.

FIRST ~ THE BIG PICTURE or MACROCOSM ~ Horrible, tragic, almost incomprehensible evil events have hit our nation these past few months.  LOVE, have compassion, concern, caring for all those people/families directly impacted by these events as very best you can in anyway you can. Remember your humanity, however, please don't let the BIG of these tragedies allow you to devalue, dismiss, brush off, ignore, not deal with your own "when life sucks" as being 'unworthy' or being 'too small'. Please don't compare, work on the work that you need to do because it is important (you are important).

SECOND ~ THE SMALLER PICTURE or MICROCOSM ~  I consider our family an 'eco system' and each of us has a part in the environmental stewardship to keep our family strong and healthy on all possible levels....physical, mental, intellectual, emotional, spiritual. This first begins as individuals. It counts. None of us are 'comic book super heroes'. We are flesh and blood human beings and we certainly are not perfect at this. Learning to come through our when life sucks cycles becomes part of our education in life. It becomes stored as life experience wisdom, those completed life lessons we may need to draw upon again at some point. This is all part and parcel of our individual journeys here on this planet Earth

There is this interconnectedness ~ The HOPE that being individually strong and healthy, family strong and healthy in the microcosm (along with other people and families) will lead to less tragedies and evil in the macrocosm or 'the big picture'.

THIS WHEN LIFE SUCKS CYCLE began to reveal in December. I don't think we were 'in complete denial' at that point. As a family, we had already planned for several previous months to have a more fiscally responsible Christmas. Hindsight now says that should have been a clue. Extra need for health care began in December which meant more billings and obligations to be paid would be incoming.

JANUARY through APRIL (so far) ~ the landslide of  'suckville' really hit in January. More health care needs, (for me, for family members, for my doggies too) created 'beyond tight' individual and family finances. Very reduced work hours meant less income for one family member. The frustration of that family member just having made an adequate budget plan, working out payment plans with some of their own creditors and then having income money 'dry up' due to the reduced work hours was incredible. It would just so happen this particular winter, those reduced work hours weren't such a temporary thing as they had been in some past times. They have been on-going and continue to be so for some months now. The 'immediate, urgent real-time adjustments' didn't get made very early on. It wasn't 'foreseen' this would be necessary.

Not only do I consider our family an 'eco system' as in trying to maintain a healthy environment, we are also an 'eco system' as in being under the same roof, being 'economically' related to each other as far as 'basic needs' are concerned.

Personally, I had a lawsuit filed against me in another county in small claims court that came from an event that happened in 2008 of which I felt I had 'no fault and no responsibility to pay ~ NONE' in any way, shape or form. I was beyond horrified this suit was even filed. I had no money for an attorney. I had to 'act my own fool' as in be my own attorney. What the stress of this did to me physically was a horror in itself. I am sure it contributed to yet another emergency room visit for me in February.

Just getting sued on this one really did hurt my pride (ego). I knew that I was being correct and honest. I hated being called a liar (i.e."misrepresentations, outright fabrications") and otherwise verbally personally attacked when I was not a liar. I had to find the strength and the energy to stand up for myself and keep standing up for myself to see it through to conclusion. (i.e. I substantiated I made NO misrepresentations or outright fabrications).

I am happy to now report, those suing me saw the 'error of their ways'  (my reply filing with those substantiations may have helped that in a big way). An order for dismissal with prejudice was finalized by the court on April 8, 2013. I have no clue how it is for others, but for me being the senior citizen I am, this was a 'real ordeal' and a dang hard one to get through at that.  

The list keeps going to pinpoint the whats and the whys for us all.  Specifically in March, we lost a  girlfriend, the epitome of goodness and light. That evil disease of cancer took her physical presence away. My daughter was especially impacted, they had always been close and this girlfriend had done so much to help my girl through the years. This girlfriend had done so much for so many people through the years. That evil disease of cancer did not, nor cannot ever diminish all the good she did for this world. That legacy born of her beautiful and kind spirit remains with us.

There was so much more to this cycle of when life sucks, but that is enough details about the past few months to exercise prudent, sound judgement in sharing for today. 

THE MESSY PART ~  We've had some yelling, some tears around home, each of us trying to work our ways through when life sucks. It has roots in stress, frustration, anger about all these various situations. Stress, frustration, anger tend to shut down the brain's ability to 'listen'. There have been times when what was said was taken to mean a finger of blame was being pointed at the other. There have been times when what was said was taken as being condemned, criticized, judged (being mean and negative to the other). It's been messy.

COMING THROUGH ~ We are strong. We know we love each other. We value being a family and understand the importance of that. We have faith in a higher power, for us that happens to be God. We get up every day and keep trying, make that effort. On a daily basis, whether it happens to be in a when life sucks cycle or a better time, we have gratitude for everything we do have. Yes, I have often seen that written, spoken about, we live it. It is the truth. I don't even want to imagine how much worse our own when life sucks cycle would be by not giving daily thanks for what we do have.  And, if our struggles in any tiny way help another individual or family sustain just a lil bit better after reading this....we have meaning and purpose.

I'm @grammakaye on twitter. You are always welcome to leave a comment or reply.


  1. Hi Ms. Kaye. I know. It's been a while since touching base. Saw the tweet/link and had to come here to say this: Thank you for being so open-hearted. God gives strength for sure.

    As you've said, sometimes we'd want to dismiss our own moments as being "too small", or whatever, in the face of the bigger and badder challenges that others around the world are facing. I've had to think about that. Wondering whether my "happy tweets", for example, spell insensitive in light of the pain that someone, somewhere in the world might be going through at that moment.

    But, we can't live our lives like that now, can we? Can't ignore the beauty and joy of the now moment, just because... In the midst of everything you've been going through (which you've cared to share), you've still remained open to that perspective.

    Thank you for being so open-hearted in your sharing, Ms. Kaye. Much appreciated.



    1. Hey Ms. Claudia, I wanted to share without 'over sharing'. It was all blocked-up inside of me. I google/bing searched the internet in March for "When Life Sucks" primarily to see if I could find an 'uplift' for my daughter. I did find a few lovely ideas and thoughts. I also found many of what I considered 'superficial' ideas and thoughts.... please don't judge me for judging. I know we all have the time and place to 'be good to ourselves'....but for the life of me I could not see where 'a shopping trip' (i.e. retail therapy) was such a great idea if part of your own 'when life sucks' is financial in origin. That might give any person some relief, but it is temporary, and a hot bubble bath with candles might have the same effect with less outgo of money???

      While I thought the bubble bath idea to be more positive, economical and a good idea, I was thinking that too is temporary...there just did not seem to be all that much on the internet about the 'soulful' part of 'when life sucks' as in I can't recall anyone saying...figure out what sucks, why that sucks and decide what you are going to do about that.

      As far as HAPPY TWEETS ~ being authentic and sincere and who you are is not being 'insensitive'. You never know who out there may needed to have experienced the JOY of that happy tweet...but God does! I love you came to visit me and reply. Thank you so much. ~ Kaye

  2. Wow! What a journey. Hopefully now that things have settled all the wondrous people and things will surround you. God Bless. :)(and Purple Hugs LOL :D)

    1. Purple HUGS right back at you Angela and that always delightful Harry! Thank you for your support and especially the God appreciated. You are loved. ~ Kaye

  3. Thank you so much for your candor in sharing your Journey. Big kudos to you for standing up for yourself and standing in your truth--huge lessons here for all of us. You write beautifully and from the heart and it is a joy to read your words.
    Take care, keep smiling and happy spring!

    1. Thank you Friday, I want to give some credit to +Jacqueline Stone on Google+ (@JaqStone on twitter)....she helped me recognize my path which allowed me to focus in her kind, true and loving suggestions:

      "What is the truth?"
      "What is required of me?"

      As I began to 'research' my way through some of my own "life sucks" issues, a law firm blog article written by Joshua Shulman (I found it on the internet and then found them on twitter), @ShulmanDubois on twitter, helped me access my courage/resolve.

      Folks can be 'so unawares' of when they really help you. So those times you can remember they did, good to let 'em know!

      Thank YOU for your bright light and cheery joy...YOU are also very appreciated. ~ Kaye

  4. "We have faith in a higher power, for us that happens to be God.".. a nice read much to learn..I appreciate u in everyway..Kaye Francis SMILES:))& Long live..GOD<3U

    1. BLESSINGS n HUGS Adhi Das ~ thank you for reading and commenting. Sending LOVE and APPRECIATION to YOU. ~ Kaye

  5. Hi Kaye, I'm glad you won your court case, you stuck to your guns and the truth bore out and in the age we live in that doesn't happen as often as it should. Your right these things do come in cycles and we all experience them and they all suck but like you are we just keep moving forwards towards a resolution.
    Hopefully the financial part will take care of itself with extra hours if available, money causes so much stress, mostly the lack thereof. Sometimes it does seem as if life is overwhelming our senses and the load is to much for us to bear. I remember a quote from Sister Teresa, she said "I know the lord won't give me more than I can bear, but I wish he wouldn't trust me so much", I think we can all appreciate her sentiment.Bill

    1. Hey Bill, yes especially Sister Teresa had many good opinions to offer to us all.

      Yes, entire family still working on budgeting and paying issues, takes time to come through that cycle. Yes, I do believe that all of life and people do go through seasons and cycles. "When Life Sucks" cycles are like "challenged growing seasons". Some have better outcomes than others. No matter the outcomes, there has been something learned from each cycle or experience.

      Even THE MESSY PART was helpful ~ like @JaqStone also suggested to me once, when your own brain 'shuts down', ask your 'heart' to open up and listen and/or direct as per necessary. We had to repair the new negative communication between us immediately. However, it also revealed some past things between us thought to be resolved and forgiven that still need to be healed. One other positive of THE MESSY PART is each of us was able to also voice in our own way to each other. "Thank you for trusting me and supporting my decision" on a few things.

      The weekend of April 20th, we had a wonderful 'feel good' splurge for the whole family. It was our Buddy doggy's 11 birthday...he got to go on a solo trip to PetCo...we had a celebration....I spent BIG at Papa Murphy's Pizza. (People ate pizza, Buddy brought doggie cookies home for himself and the other two.) Thank you for visiting, reading and replying Bill, it means a whole lot to me! ~ Kaye


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